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[REMEZCLA SAN FRANCISCO HOMEPAGE]

Mano a Mano: 10 Self-Loving Songs

BY Juan Data & Isabela Raygoza | PUBLISHED: Friday, May 18th, 2012
Mano a Mano: 10 Self-Loving Songs

We all masturbate. Yes, and that’s not TMI, it’s part of a natural human behavior, so get over it. Everybody does it and it’s ok and if you don’t, well, you should, it’s fun, it’s healthy and it helps prevent the ultimate collapse of human society by zombie apocalypse, or something.

The thing is, if it wasn’t for masturbation we wouldn’t be here today. Think about it, there’s only two main reasons behind the success of this thing they call the internet: free porn and downloadable music. Which means that you probably already surfed your regular triple-x sites and rubbed one off earlier today and that’s why now you’re now checking out this music site. Right?

OK, my logic might have some tiny flaws, I give you that, but you get my point. Anyway, some dildo-making company in San Francisco, CA, decided a few years ago that May was National Masturbation Month in the US–a month to “raise awareness about the positive effects of masturbation” or something like that. So here at Remezcla we decided to join forces with this good cause and compile a list of Latin songs that talk proudly about the benefits of self-loving.

Go get your lube, your rabbit, your Fleshlight, your blow-up doll or whatever other device or product that aids you in this activity ready and join the May festivities! Not that you should do it any less on any other month, right? But at least, this time around, you have a good excuse to tell yourself if you still have to deal with the post-ejaculation guilt so deeply ingrained in the Latino’s psyche (blame the Catholic church). Do your paja with pride!

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seguimos perdiendo10. “Alcohol y masturbarme más”
by Seguimos Perdiendo
[Mexico]

Mexico City-based punk grunge band Seguimos Perdiendo are all too ghetto, raucous, and grimy. Commonly, many of the band’s songs include rock’s faithful companion, booze, in titles. However in this one, the lead singer/shouter lends his hand not only towards that bottle, but down under. The reason is, he’s been dumped. But it’s okay because he doesn’t have to think about his former girl after a few drinks and while he lies in his bed.

He has a crush, and maybe the new girl knows it or not, but the point is that he likes to drink alone and masturbate. Unfortunately, even after the big finish, he still feels empty inside, but that doesn’t stop him from masturbating. -IR

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Shotta-en-España-201209. “Más Pajas”
by Shotta
feat. Hate & Lechowsky
[Spain]

Shotta and his two guests describe their masturbational habits with attention to detail in this rap song. My favorite is Hate, in the first verse, sending us back to the pre-Internet era when we used to masturbate with VHS tapes and we would have to pause, rewind and replay the same sex scene over and over.

No kidding, I used to have a VHS of only nude scenes from different late-night cable movies recorded back-to-back because I wasn’t old enough to rent a regular porno tape from the video store. Oh, you kids nowadays have it so easy… -JD

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blas duran08. “El Gallo de Manuela”
by Blas Duran
[Dominican Republic]

Manuela has a big wet rooster who she keeps inside. She bathes it, loves it, and caresses it. And when she gets home, this gallo is in need of a lot of attention. Luckily for Manuela, this guy is willing to lend a helping hand here.

The point is, every man has a Manuela in his life, and Blas Duran, father of la bachata moderna, blithely sings about his and honors it (or her?) in this nice li’l danceable ditty. -IR

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kumbia queers

07. “Chica de calendario”
by Kumbia Queers
[Mexico/Argentina]

There was a time, not too long ago, when having a picture of a hot girl as wallpaper didn’t involve computers and jpegs. People used to hang real posters on their real walls! And when I say people I mean horny, dirty, old men. And by posters I mean calendars with huge photos of ladies in scanty clothing. And by real walls, I’m obviously referring to the walls of those temples of manliness where classy women were not expected to ever show up, like a car shop. Because nothing says keep working like having a girl who has trouble stuffing her artificially-enhanced boobs into a tiny bikini on a wall at the work place.

Kumbia Queers dedicated this masturbational ode to those girls, with the obvious twist that they did it from a queer/female perspective. The image of Ali Gua Gua jacking off with her güiro on the floor of the car shop, priceless. -JD

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Plastilina-Mosh-en-Mexico-201206. “Pervert Pop Song”
by Plastilina Mosh feat. Ximena Sariñana & Patricia Lynn
[Mexico]

Monterrey’s electropop quirky band Plastilina Mosh’s “Pervert Pop Song” doesn’t implicitly say it — which kinda surprises me — but while reading between the lines to this super contagious ditty, it is pretty obvious. And if it ain’t, then I guess your libido is at a minimum.

Ximena and Patricia want to be punished, and real bad. But while their lover boys can’t be reached (in the song), or when they can’t bear that uncontrollable urge, they attempt to distract themselves with the radio, in a conversation, or a dumb song. But while all of that fails, they still fantasize in detail about soft lips, kissing and…

Oh come on! It’s Plastilina Mosh we’re talking about. And if the video throws you off, don’t tell me that guy in 3:40 isn’t gonna meet up with his Manuela that night, who else? -IR

Alright, if you’re still being a little stubborn with this one, then just pretend this LAME ass song is in it’s place. #LAME

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bebe05. “Con mis manos”
by Bebe
[Spain]

Bebe is feeling sad and lonely and she’s there in her room’s sofa thinking about a missing special someone “with her hands” in this modern Spanish-language response to the early ’90s classic “I Touch Myself” by Divinyls.

Unfortunately, for those of us who’d be infinitely entertained with the idea of a cute girl like Bebe fingering herself and singing proudly about it, the song doesn’t provide sufficient x-rated details about her methods and techniques. -JD

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winsin y yandel04. “El Telefono”
by Hector “El Father” Feat. Wisin & Yandel
[Puerto Rico]

I’m pretty sure many of you out there are probably still ashamed to admit that you masturbate. Oh come on, the whole point of National Masturbation month is to eliminate all those taboos and stigmas (*attempting to keep a straight face*). No, but in all due seriousness, if you wanna take it one step at a time, it’s always okay to do it while on the phone with your significant other on the other end of the line, or just sexting nowadays. So here’s this classy one for ya by these reggeatoneros (cause there’s actually a shit ton of them, but this one’s kinda cool).

Hector, Winsin & Yandel like to hit up those fine ladies, cause you know, when they’re too busy traveling on important business trips, and their voluptuous gals can’t fight the urge, these guys are down enough to do a good deed and give’em a call to sooth them needs in extra pleasurable ways via El Telefono y’all. -IR

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babasonicos103. “Rubi”
by Babasónicos
[Argentina]

The song doesn’t directly talk about masturbation (in fact, I’m pretty sure he’s talking about cunnilingus) but the video -in its two official versions, male and female- says it all. They both show us pretty people jerking off to the song recorded on a cassette tape and it’s quite NSFW, even when there’s no genitals on screen.

The main difference is the surprise appearance of Adrián Dárgelos at the end of the female version in the role of a voyeur, while nobody’s keeping the boy company on the alternate version. Which reminds me of when you go to an amateur webcam site and for each one viewer a male performer gets, women have at least five hundred… I’ve been told. -JD

AND

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molotov02. “Quitate que ma’sturbas (Perra Arrabalera)
by Molotov
[Mexico]

When Dónde jurarán las niñas by Mexico City’s rap rockers Molotov swarmed the scene, it was just like a big fuck you to the nation, los principes del rock en español, and some of their ex-friends, or booty calls, more or less. And among the plenty of controversial tracks, we can’t forget about this one. “Quitate que ma’sturbas” is a track that straight up shit talks about a loose girl.

Basically, this “perra arrabalera” used to be a fine piece of ass, but now all she is, according to the guys, is un estorbo. And because of that, she has dedicated her life to the fine arts of masturbating. -IR

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zambayonny01. “Las cosas que dejé”
by Zambayonny
[Argentina]

This one here is absolute genius and it’s my all-time favorite masturbation-related song. Argentine singer-songwriter Zambayonny made a name for himself in the last decade (and became a youtube celebrity in the southern extreme of the continent) due to his inimitable ability to rhyme the dirtiest, most hilarious verses in the format of serious folky acoustic songs, all this while keeping a straight face. “Las Cosas Que Dejé” is probably his most famous song and it’s about growing up and leaving all old habits behind except for one… yes, you guessed it. -JD

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Tell us which paja song you like the most, if or if not on this list, below!



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